Colon Blow

I'm sorry about the title, but I just had to say it. I've been watching Saturday Night Live since I was way too young to watch Saturday Night Live so trust me when I say that there's not much that's funnier than bodily functions. (See also Annuale.)

On a related note, my firm does many great things for its of which includes having a big selection of fresh fruit brought in every week from the Purple Onion at the Capitol Market. Yes, we are special. (We also have bottled water with the firm's name on it.) So, if you're busy busy busy and don't have time for lunch or are just uninspired by the selections within walking distance, you can grab some fruit and some very special bottled water and just keep working.

I also keep less-perishable food in my desk drawer (like milk and beef). Okay...actually, I keep almonds and cereal in there. Today, I had All-Bran Complete Wheat Flakes and an apple for lunch...and I read the cereal box while I was eating. All-Bran has 1 gram of soluble fiber and 4 grams of insoluble fiber per tiny, unrealistically-sized, 3/4-cup serving. Hmm. "What's the difference?" I asked myself and set about finding out.

Turns out, eating a lot of fiber is something akin to drinking a lot of poison. Apparently one must work your way up from, say...a flake of All-Bran every day, and develop an immunity to certain health hazards like "dramatically swollen belly," "smelly office syndrome," and such. It's like that guy who injected himself with a little snake venom over and over for a long time so he could handle them without suffering a fatal bite.

But don't you worry, my friends...I've always had only two preferences when it came to cereal: Wood Fiber Health Flakes or Lucky Charms. My tolerance to fiber has been in place for a long time...and I stay away from Lucky Charms as much as possible because they're so delicious I could eat a whole box. (In all fairness, All-Bran is very delicious, as well, and very satisfying for a meal.)

For the rest of you, be warned. All-Bran may be good for your heart, but the more you eat the more you healthy.


Deadpan Alley said...

I swear by Crispix. Kelloggs Crispix is crispy times two.

Jennifer said...

I learned the "work your way up" on fiber intake tactic the hard way. Once upon a time, there was a brand of store-bought loaf bread called, "Bran'nola." (I think it really had the apostrophe in the name.) Turns out, eating a couple pieces of toast in the morning made with Bran'nola bread was FAR TOO MUCH FIBER for this previously non-fibrous consumer.