Shot Down in a Blaze of Color

I recognized a pattern in myself today when Eric mentioned there was a camera (like a real camera, apparently not just a running-the-stoplight camera) at a local, major intersection. "What?!?! We said we didn't want cameras!" (The public had been asked for comment about surveillance cameras in Charleston a few years ago and the response was a big "NO!") Gazing out the window, I muttered, "I'd like to shoot it with a paintball."

Eric replied that I want to shoot everything with a paintball. I had to laugh and admit the truth in it. For instance, I have a slightly younger sister (not the one I talk about a lot) with...how to put this...a really craptastic man in her life. My youngest sister and I have plotted how to fairly deal with him. Hmmm. Paintball...center forehead...pink. Mystery cameras that appear despite the citizens' opinion? Paintball...center lens. Drug dealers messing up Everyone's East End? Paintball...center forehead...purple (an ironic tribute to Jimi and Purple Haze). And this last one is Martha's suggestion for bad drivers: a color-coding paintball system. It would let other people on the road know what to expect from you. For people who cut you off...orange. For people who run red lights...red (duh). Of course, some people's cars would display multiple colors based on this yet-to-be-completed coding system.

Funny thing is...I've never, ever owned, nor shot, nor even held a paintball gun. It just seems like it's perfect as my would-be weapon of choice. I mean, what's a mostly-anti-violence person to do? It's not like I'd ever beat anyone up, but some just need a serious butt whoopin. For humans on the target list, a paintball would be non-lethal, embarrassing, and leave quite a welt.



DISCLAIMER: If you go and paintball something up and try to pin it on me, I will so totally paintball you. Close-range, right in the back of the knee. Think how much that would hurt. But really...I will never, ever really paintball anyone or anything...as far as you know.

4 comments:

Deadpan Alley said...

We ought to go paintballing sometime. Are there still places that do that? Or would we have to build a time machine and go back to 1991?

TTHBTK said...

Uhhh...you know it really leaves a big welt, right? There are still places who do that...including Scary Creek Paintball. Eric really wants to get a group and go for his birthday. Hmmm...Scrabble players vs. military types?

Deadpan Alley said...

Brawn vs. brain. Maybe we could out-strateegerize 'em.

Then again, if we didn't, they'd kick our nerdy asses.

(Disclaimer: I am in no way implying that military types are not brainy. No disparaging letters/comments, please.)

heidi said...

Paintballing out road rage whilst performing a service to fellow motorists- you are a genius:)

My husband & the other family guys are obsessed. I recently took a few shots playing against Shane and ouch- those betches sting!